It’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s difficult to get into a habit. I’m especially bad for starting something and not following up. In a sense, I’ve always thought there were positives with being open to trying new things and then letting go when you start to lose excitement.
Looking at it logically, if I get a lot of enjoyment out of starting something new but the enjoyment fades as I continue to do it, would I not get more overall happiness by starting something new than continuing something I don’t enjoy as much anymore?
I don’t know – I’m thinking there’s a factor I’m likely overlooking because I don’t feel like this continuous hopping of one thing to the next is really giving me any real profound happiness. I’m starting to think that perhaps the ‘cheap high’ of starting something new is nothing but that. I do something new, get excited about it, lose interest and become bored. My mind’s always looking for something better; something that I’ll enjoy more. I start something and get disappointed that it’s not as exciting as I expected it to be and then I feel bad that I didn’t follow up.
I also never really get the satisfaction of finishing projects and really developing a skill. Not only that, but it can get expensive.
Take my recent woodworking hobby as an example. I bought myself all sorts of tools and material and spent a good chunk of money setting myself up to do some woodworking. I really enjoyed it for a week. I built myself a workbench and started building a toy chest for Mia, my 8-month-old daughter. I built myself a bench at the cottage and that was supposed to be step 1 of building myself a little outdoor dining area. Now it’s been two months and I’ve barely touched any of it. I have a half-finished toy chest in the garage and tools taking up space (and $600-700 less in my bank account). Every time I walk by it, I feel guilty for not finishing it and feel like I should force myself to do it.
I’ve always prided myself on keeping busy and having many hobbies. Just with sports, in the past 2 years, I’ve played hockey, softball, volleyball (beach and indoor), curling, rock climbing, and squash. I also have an expensive road bike that I take out three times a year. I have a gym membership that I haven’t used in 3 months (though, to be fair, I did go very regularly for about 6 months before that). I bought a set of golf clubs that I bought 4 years ago that I’ve used once in the past two years, I have some 4 year old skis that I haven’t used for two straight winters, and I bought a tennis racket this winter that I’ve only used once all summer.
What is the point of all this? I don’t really know honestly. I do know that having all these things is quite expensive though. All the equipment is also cluttering up my house (well, garage and basement mostly), and I think the worst part is how it’s making me feel bad about myself. Having all these things makes me feel that I owe it to myself to go out and use it all so that I get my money’s worth. Then I feel guilty because I haven’t been using them as much as I feel I should and it drags me down.
So ya, maybe I do get a brief high when I get a purchase. I think that the idea of doing the sport or the hobby excites me more than the actual act of doing it. I think that’s at the root of a lot of my purchases; I keep associating them with some ideal that isn’t realistic. Then I feel bad because my expectations weren’t met and I move onto the next purchase in search of a ‘better life’, never really appreciating what I do have.